that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
