garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
