Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just googled if crying burns calories
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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