Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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