He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
