He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
