Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
