Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
