tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
