she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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