I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
