Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I faked an abortion last night.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
