Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
