If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
