I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
