Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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