dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
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You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
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if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize