the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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