Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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