Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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