My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
