I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
