I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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