This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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