he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
