I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
