i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
