Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
