omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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