i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Barsexuality is the new black.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
