I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
