Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
