the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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