I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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