How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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