How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
