If i come over, it means nothing
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she told me i tasted like america
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
