And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
