I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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