Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
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how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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