Screwed.edu
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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