Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
His hands were made for my vagina.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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