I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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