I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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