hotel room ftw
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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