My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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