it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
