He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
