I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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