I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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