Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize