I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
