So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
