I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
