considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
