I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize