I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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