Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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