Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
