just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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