All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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