I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
