Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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