The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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