Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
