someone owes me an orgasm
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize