Someone shit on the floor
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
