Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
