dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
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Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
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This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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