I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
