dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
