how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
